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• カエルの子はカエル
• 2023/01/31 (Tue) 06:59
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I am so glad my mother is my mother.

• ホンマそれ
• 2023/02/01 (Wed) 12:59
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> I am so glad that my mother is my mother

It comes down to this. My parents are not wealthy, but when my son goes back to his hometown, they spend more money than usual on delicious fish and meat, and take us to various places. If I tried to give him an allowance, he would not accept it, telling me to spend it on my grandchildren. I left the allowance at my parents' house on the day I left Japan, but they were surprised and thanked me later.

I think there are many kinds of families.

• 大変だね
• 2023/02/01 (Wed) 13:35
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That was while my mother was still able to move around a lot.
She must have taken pity on me as a single mom in a foreign country, and even gave me an allowance for my flight home. When I finally had enough money after raising my children, I started to give my mother an allowance. I give it to her when I go to Corona, and I send her money since I haven't been able to go to Corona for the past three years. She has a pension, but she would be happy to receive an allowance from her daughter. I do as much as I can. But if my mother could still afford it and I went home to take care of her, she would say it was for her care. The reality is that my siblings live with me, so that won't happen.

• yokko
• 2023/02/02 (Thu) 01:34
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I think the bottom line is that it depends on how much your mother needed or wanted you.
Was she in a state where she needed you to come home, or
did she suggest that if you came home, she wouldn't have to pay for rent or food, and you would benefit
if you came home?

It depends on how much care you need.
It also depends on how much you didn't want to go back to Japan.
If you hated it so much that you decided to return just to take care of your mother,
she should be very grateful for that, and you can express that with money.
Your mother has completely derailed your plans for your life.

Some people may say that it's okay because she can get it from your estate, but
if she really was a very hard caregiver and returned home just to take care of you,
I think it makes sense that you should get the equivalent money every month now.
And since your mother is not in need of money,
it is not right to make her work for free.
For example, how much would it cost per month to hire a live-in housekeeper?
I think you should get that amount.

But if the nursing condition is not too bad and you have a lot of free time and
go out for fun, maybe your mother thinks that
rent and food are enough.
Maybe your mother thinks that living together saves money and is a win-win situation.

In any case, it is sad.
I also cared for my parents for a while.
In our case, I was the youngest child and had two older brothers, and since I had emigrated overseas,
it was decided before my death that much of my property would be given to my brothers.
I was surprised when they asked me to come back to take care of them.
My parents hated my brothers' wives.
And they were afraid that if I tried to return, my brothers would take their inheritance.
My brothers tried to persuade me not to return in various ways.
It causes strange friction between brothers and sisters.

It is really sad to think about it now.

• 光陰矢の如し
• 2023/02/02 (Thu) 09:20
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You only get one shot at this in your life. I can't be filial anymore after they are gone. I don't want to have regrets.

• 大袈裟
• 2023/02/02 (Thu) 21:26
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We're all going to die someday.

• dobon
• 2023/02/03 (Fri) 00:30
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Choumon no yo ！

• はい？
• 2023/02/03 (Fri) 01:50
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#43 To each his own. Then don't read it.

• 義理
• 2023/02/03 (Fri) 06:31
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People who write long sentences want to teach and want to be good
In the end, the love between parents and children ends up being about money
How much you get, so you don't care; how much you get, so you care.

• まぁまぁ
• 2023/02/03 (Fri) 12:42
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I'm not trying to be a long-winded person, since I'm spending my time on this. There are good and bad cases for both wanting to tell me and wanting to tell me. It's a good way to kill time if you're not busy, and if you don't like it, just scroll down a bit. I don't think long sentences of slander are a good thing, though.

• おい
• 2023/02/03 (Fri) 22:28
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I don't see the topix, but what's going on ？.

• ずれ
• 2023/02/04 (Sat) 09:56
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You're not talking about the main story, you're talking about the people who wrestle with it.

• pooske
• 2023/02/18 (Sat) 14:19
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Humans, by nature, make the mistake of relying on others. It is the same with parents and children. You wipe your own ass by yourself.
If you have money, go into an institution or hire someone. Then you can spend all your money. If you leave it behind, the children won't appreciate it, because they take it for granted.
The best thing you can do is to think about your own retirement rather than your parents. No one will take care of you.

• Orange
• mail
• 2023/06/10 (Sat) 21:06
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• Delete

全然おかしくありません。だったら、お母さまはあなた様に生活費もわたさず仕事もやめさせてどうなってもらいたいんですかね？お母さまとの関係が良かったのか悪かったのか知りませんが、施設に入らないのなら私はアメリカに帰りますでいいと思います。

• 子供
• 2023/06/11 (Sun) 17:43
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You can't count on American-born children.
Is it the same in Japan?
It is natural for parents to receive money
without compensation.
But why take care of them ？
In their old age, they will go to a facility or hire a care giver and use up all their assets
They will only be left with what they need for the final cleanup.

• 子供
• 2023/06/11 (Sun) 17:45
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If you take care of Tobi, your mother will have to leave you enough assets to get you on welfare.

• 自己判断
• 2023/06/11 (Sun) 18:21
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yokko
is just giving advice based on her own experience and thoughts. Everyone is different.
the way of family, finances, values
what you do for free is a kindness repayment that children do to their parents.
Regardless of whether you get paid or not, but as a practical matter, if taking care of your parents makes your own future life difficult, it would be impossible.

It's not about getting or paying because of this situation.

• Darksouls
• 2023/06/13 (Tue) 13:18
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I'm sure there are many cases of suicide due to caregiver exhaustion. "I'm here because I'm looking for some good advice from someone " who is taking care of my parents, but sometimes I get annoyed by useless people who are not involved in my parents' care at all.
My parents are also elderly, and moreover, my father recently found out that he has terminal cancer and temporarily returned home, leaving my mother alone after applying for long-term care insurance while my father was in the hospital. My father has moved to home care
and is still doing well, but I am worried about him and plan to return to Japan temporarily in November to help with his care. So, I am not yet a caregiver, but I will be in the future. Please reply to me as I am very curious to know how you are doing at the moment.

• ルーシールーシー
• 2023/06/17 (Sat) 03:45
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I know I'm late to the party, but I think Topy's point is obvious.
However, I think it is difficult to get your mother's consent.

I am in the same situation as you, my mother lives alone in Japan and has been occasionally taken care of by a nearby relative （ my cousin ）, but due to the progress of her dementia, she started having auditory hallucinations and my relative encouraged her to move in with him, retire from her job and move in with her family. I retired from my job, left my family in the U.S., and started living with my mother by myself. My mother not only does not want to move into a facility for the elderly, she also does not want to go to day care, and recently she does not want to go to the hospital and is a stay-at-home mom. I am in a financially sound situation, but my mother's dementia is gradually progressing, so the emotional burden of living with her is very heavy.
We have been living together for a little over five years, and I am considering separating from my mother in another five years, whether she moves into a facility or not. I think it would be good for you to think about your own life first and then do what you can for your mother.

• happy_LA
• 2023/06/21 (Wed) 20:15
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Thank you very much for your time. It seems that you have everything you need to live while your mother is alive, but if she should die, her assets will be inherited by her daughter, and with her pension, will it be difficult for her to live on her own?