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• Kanikani22
• mail
• 2023/06/05 15:42

I have a question for "those who have experience organizing funerals in Hawaii". I would appreciate it if you could share your experiences with me.


My father-in-law's funeral was recently held at a funeral home in Kaneohe. It was a beautiful place with green mountains ........

My relatives are angry with the funeral home because they think there is something suspicious about it.

I, a Japanese person, have never been a mourner at a funeral and have only attended funerals, so I don't know if it is like that or not.
I would appreciate it if you could let me hear your voices for my reference.

I have a question for those who have experience in mourning or supporting mourners.

▪️The funeral contract was paid off 30 years ago before my father-in-law died

Questionable points:

① The ceremony control manager, a 60-something woman, was not supposed to have a greeting at the beginning of the service, nor was she apologetic.

On the day of the ceremony, the ceremony manager herself was so engrossed in handling the audio equipment that she ignored the mourners' calls all the time due to the delayed start of the ceremony.

There was no one in charge of audio equipment on the day ＝ > The ceremony control manager took over for him, but he didn't move ？ He was focused and silent the whole time. He doesn't even look up.

The ceremony did not start even 10 minutes past the start time, and gradually the attendees started scurrying around, so the mourner said, "Let's start with a greeting from the mourner's family representative" and the ceremony started.
After all, the control manager was still absorbed in the operation, not even looking up or answering ？ or rather ignoring it. ！ ！ No apology.

Question: is this normal ？ ？

② I had a contracted photo movie time of the deceased.　Unexpectedly, the sound did not work.

The mourner's family members broadcasted music from their cell phones with a microphone.　There is a gap between the video and the movie, but the movie enters a movie endless state. 。。。。

Mourner's family members even more angry.

No apology from the wedding hall.
The ceremony manager was silent and expressionless, as if the movie was already made.

Mourner's family is angry, but endures complaints to continue the ceremony.


③ Contractual agreement that the company would transport the casket with six people (30 years ago ≪) =>
⚫︎ with three company staff members, using a cart. The company was charged for labor costs

⚫︎The staff's clothes were too rough and unbecoming, both attendees and relatives complained

Relatives were angry that the company should wear appropriate shirts and pay courtesy.

(I, Japanese also said, "That's just not the way we dress in Japan. I was expecting some formal attire even for the ceremony staff, but I was surprised to see them in work clothes. But they were in work clothes.

There was no meeting, so the company has the advantage... Unfortunately.

QUESTION: For a burial, is it still work clothes ？

④ Since it was a burial, the rule was to put a tarp in the ground $ so they charged me an extra 1500 or something like that.　
I tried to peek in to see if it was there that day, but a sentry stood guard and kicked the relatives out, telling them not to come within a 5m radius of my father-in-law's grave.

A sentry with a parasol will stand guard until the grave pit is completely sealed with dirt.
Real I don't know if there was a tarp.

Question:
In the case of a burial, can't you get close to the end ？

My relatives imagined it was like in the movies or something, where the casket is placed in the grave pit and the attendants pour flowers and soil over it.

I'm skeptical that this is a tarp scam ？ 。。。。

There's more, but is this the level of funerals in Hawaii ？
Mutually, my impression is that funeral companies have no courtesy.