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• 親の悪いとこ取り
• 2023/08/12 (Sat) 07:46
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I found a very good article.

If life is 100 years, one's 50s is the turning point. It is up to you whether you think "I am already at this age" or "I can still do my best".

7 habits that have turned my life around since I was 50
Your 50s are the second half of your life. The world you will see when you reach the age of 60 will be different between those who say, "No matter what I do now, I can see the future" and don't make any effort, and those who believe that "I may still be able to do something" and act accordingly.

"Good beliefs" and "bad beliefs"
Good beliefs have "room to grow" and can grow if you work hard.
In other words, by adopting good beliefs, life will go the way you want it to go.

（ 1 ） Praise yourself a lot
There are higher-ups in the world. If you compare yourself with others, you will inevitably focus on your own inadequacies. Instead, be "honestly pleased" with your own growth in what you have achieved.
Anyone can do this, it's no big deal. Anyone can do it, it's not a big deal," but rather, "Yay ！ I did it ！. When I can rejoice in small successes, little by little I can trust myself, and gradually I am able to take on bigger and bigger challenges.

（ 2 ） At the end of the day, write down "what I could do today" and "what was good" in a notebook and look back
at the good things. This will help you end the day with positive feelings and increase your self-esteem. You will also develop the habit of looking for good things.
If you look back on the notebook regularly, such as after one month, three months, or six months, you will gain confidence and think, "I did such a good job ！" or "I am not so bad. Once, when I was depressed because of an unexpected failure, I wrote down in a notebook what I had done in those six months and regained my confidence.

（ 3 ） Choosing a partner
If you think negatively about things, "anyway" and "but", you will tend to be reluctant to try new things. Life is long and short. I think it is important to clarify what kind of person you want to spend your finite time with.

（ 4 ） Associating with people who have the same dreams
If I want to make my current dreams and wishes come true, I try to associate with people who have similar dreams. It is to these people that I talk more and more about my " big dreams that I am " embarrassed" to talk about. I say things like, "Someday I want to do this," or "Next time I want to do something like this."
Then they will definitely say, "Great ！," and they will give you a piece of wisdom. Then it will be easier for you to give yourself permission to do it, and you will be able to take positive action.

(5) ） "Create a home" where you can always be in a good mood
・ Place houseplants
・ Keep things off the floor
・ Wash windows regularly
・ Decline regularly
・ Don't buy things just because they are cheap
・ Don't take things for free
・ Burn aroma
・ Make time for tea
・ Dispose of mail immediately
・ Do minor cleaning by yourself Do major cleaning by a professional

(6) ） Remember humility and gratitude
You are not who you are because of yourself, but because of the help of others. I think I have more smiles on my face since I started to consciously use the word "thank you."

（ 7 ） When in doubt, make a quick decision
We are constantly making small decisions from the time we wake up in the morning until we go to bed.
Narrowing down our choices prevents decision fatigue. And when I am really confused, I try to trust my intuition.
To do this, it is important to have clear criteria for your decisions. I believe that life is yaruka ・ yaranaika, only two choices, right or left, so I don't waste time goofing around and thinking. If I fail, I consider it an exercise in decision accuracy.

-Middle Way Ansan-

• はな
• 2023/08/13 (Sun) 09:43
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So many replies, but no response, Nopi. Writing is not compulsory, but it is a fact that each of us writes on our own time.
Since he can leave it under such circumstances, it is a matter of humanity that he himself has cultivated.
He inherited the bad parts from his parents? That's funny.
This is the kind of person who will never get along in the real world.
All because of others? Is it the parents' fault?
Don't give me excuses like "I was in a bad mood, my phone/PC was broken, I was too busy to write".
Even if it was fishing and pi, he/she has a problem with human nature too.

• 人生
• 2023/08/13 (Sun) 15:49
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Those who succeed will succeed in any situation.
Those who do not will not under any circumstances.

• 昭和のおとっつぁん
• 2023/08/13 (Sun) 16:02
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If I can live every day safely and without complaint, I don't have high hopes.

• ところで
• 2023/08/14 (Mon) 00:55
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• Delete

There may be some cultural differences, but it may not be much different no matter where you are located.

It works out ・ or doesn't partly by luck and timing, but so far, as far as I have seen various results, I feel that it has generally been "the result of my own actions" after living for more than half a century.

Just as the word "antithesis" is used, I think one of the ways is to try to think positively about being in the situation and try to think and act from a completely opposite point of view.

• ゲゲゲ
• 2023/08/14 (Mon) 09:27
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#72
100% agree.

• 親の悪いとこ取り
• 2023/08/14 (Mon) 10:28
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Mr. Curry is troubled and suffering. It is not fair to say that it is a problem of human nature or that it is her own fault.
I think there was no one or no opportunity to convey a positive message to Ms. Curry that she is pretty even if she is not beautiful or ugly, that it is okay if she worked hard even if she did not go to a good university, or that it is not too late to get a qualification. She is angry at her parents for not teaching her many things. I don't know if they didn't love her enough or if her parents just weren't good at talking and couldn't convey their love to her. However, Ms. Curry has been through a lonely and painful time. In such a situation, incomprehensive words or scolding from others can pierce the heart like a deadly weapon for a person with a weak heart. Perhaps Ms. Curry has not been treated kindly by others and has been treated unreasonably and coldly. If you have low self-esteem and self-esteem, it is difficult for people to like you, and you are stuck in a vicious cycle where people are cold and mean to you, and you become more and more disgusted with both people and yourself. Curry writes that she would be happy to hear from anyone who has been able to overcome similar circumstances. When I am distressed, weak, or depressed, I may not have the energy to do anything. There is no need to force me to reply or respond from the side.

• はな
• 2023/08/14 (Mon) 12:14
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I dared to comment in a harsh tone after a few or so.
Why is that? Because you made such a long and topical comment blaming others, and did not include anything about yourself.
Forcing a reply or response? If you start a topic by yourself and get no response, you must be the type of person who can't think about others at all.
No matter how polite the topix author's writing is, I think it's quite selfish, isn't it? Do you think that everyone but Topi lives an easy life without suffering? To be honest, I had thought as you did, #78, because it is honestly rare to get such defensive responses on such a topic. You know yourself well.

• カレーライス
• 2023/08/14 (Mon) 16:59
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#Yes, thanks to you, I say thank you to Japan every morning and evening.

It was because of the support of his parents that the Showa Otouta became a successful businessman at a young age and captured the American dream. It is only natural that he should be grateful.

It is not so easy when you hate your parents like Topi-dama does.

• 紅夜叉
• 2023/08/14 (Mon) 17:22
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I grew up without knowing what my parents looked like.
I wonder how my parents are doing, I miss them.

• 72と77
• 2023/08/14 (Mon) 21:30
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I understand what you say, 72, but who can reply ？
I think it would make sense if you read 77's opinion.
Replies are not mandatory.
Especially in the exchange forum

where incomprehensive words and scolding from others can pierce the heart like a deadly weapon for the weak of heart.

• カレー
• 2023/08/15 (Tue) 01:15
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Right after I posted, I thought my post was not published because it was erased several times.
（ I live in Japan, but I still check Vivinavi regularly as I am not yet ready for LA life. ）
I apologize for not replying to you. For me, messages from those of you who have realized your life's dream and are living in LA, including criticism, resonate with me more than anyone else.
I have received appropriate advice, but it is not something I can reply to casually, and I need
days to report that the problem has been solved, so I would like to hasten to express my deep appreciation for the messages, including criticism, from so many of you.

I found it comforting to hear about people who are not good looking but are getting married because of their looks, which are desirable by American standards;
I found it comforting to hear about people who are not good looking but have good character, and are blessed with a good marriage and fulfilling lives;
I am feeling hopeless, and it was a comfort to me.

In my case, whether it was a matter of appearance, personality, or luck, I could not succeed in obtaining permanent residence through marriage.
I thought I had prepared before coming to the U.S., but I was not able to succeed in obtaining permanent residency through employment because of my work and lack of ability.

My parents （ especially my mother ） gave me enough love, psychologically, by worldly standards.
However, the purpose of raising a child was not only to send her to college, but also to guide her to be able to stand on her own and live independently
even if she was a woman.
When I was young, I was good at English by Japanese standards and had a certain level of education, so I took advantage of being treated well and did not make any effort to improve my skills
. As a result, I became an empty middle-aged man.

Furthermore, my mother knew from my early elementary school years that I was actually not very smart, and at that time in Japan, people who could speak English were highly valued, so
she thought that even if I was a little stupid, I could get a job in Japan to some extent if I could speak English.
So, even though I am a national university graduate, I have never been told to aim for a national university.
Moreover, I never thought about the importance of finding a job, so I chose my major by a process of elimination and did not study well in college.
Perhaps this is unthinkable by American standards.

I am angry about the bad looks I inherited from my mother, but I am not considering plastic surgery.
I am not bothering people with my bad appearance, and unlike the past, nowadays women are allowed to live alone,
so I don't think I need to force myself to change my appearance to one that men will like. I think that a mother who is too bad looking usually had an unfavorable life, but she had an excellent brain backed by a high education, earned more than her father despite the era of male domination, had a good personality that people liked and she was exceptionally well liked by her father and had an above average without any particular difficulties. I think he was able to lead an above average life.

The hard part is that he is unlucky to have inherited only his mother's bad looks and none of her smarts backed by her high education.
Also, he cannot help but cure his temperamental and snappy personality, which is similar to his father's.
Being a beauty of character is a very difficult subject.
Also, I am trying my best, but sometimes I feel that if I were in my thirties, I would have more time to acquire more skills and
have a better job and have a more stable life.

However, I feel a little better now that you LA residents have asked me what I couldn't say to others before. Thank you to those who told me that my temper can be cured, and to those who encouraged me through private messages. I will try to accept my painful fate and try a little harder.
My dream is to return to LA someday.

• 昭和のおとっつぁん
• 2023/08/15 (Tue) 08:02
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I live in Japan, but if you're not ready for LA life
you're just going to get lost
so make a fresh start and cut the back hair.

• 昭和のおとっつぁん。
• 2023/08/15 (Tue) 09:05
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＞ I could not succeed to get permanent residence through marriage.

You say this as if it is a matter of course, but I know ？ this is what incompetent people like Mr. Japayuki from the Philippines do in Japan
well, there are many Japanese women who did the same thing over here and it made it hard to get visa. Well, there are a lot of Japanese women who did the same thing over here.

• hello-
• 2023/08/15 (Tue) 09:19
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I think that as you get older, a woman with beautiful skin and tastes will come in handy.　Don't be discouraged and do your best in everything with sincerity. I think there are people who are watching you. I will try to get a job at a company that will allow me to return to the U.S. Hurry up and do it.

• 昭和のおとっつぁん
• 2023/08/15 (Tue) 09:44
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There will be no problem to obtain permanent residence through marriage.
If the partner comes to Japan, he/she will go through the procedures to be able to live in Japan without any problems
The partner will also think carefully about how to enable a Japanese person to marry and live in a foreign country.
It is also a problem to make decisions about a person's life by the book.

• ロム専
• 2023/08/15 (Tue) 11:40
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How many roles does one person play, and when called upon, they come out in a hurry. There are so many naive people, so many suspicious responses. I often see people who are mentally weak, but they go out in front of many people, and they should think about what they are doing. The same goes for these forums. That is what it means to appear in front of an unspecified number of people. It is natural that there are different opinions, and there is a possibility of being slandered. It is your own ignorance that you do not understand this. And it is strange for those around them to support them. These are the type of people who are told by non-professionals around them, "No, no, no, no, no, no, that's not true! Instead of doing so, they go for proper counseling. You should save up money and get plastic surgery, or take some other action.

• 日本
• 2023/08/15 (Tue) 11:50
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I moved to the US even though I don't want to live there. \I am so envious of those who can live in Japan as a matter of course and sigh everyday.

• 昭和のおとっつぁん
• 2023/08/15 (Tue) 12:56
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I don't even want to live there, but if you want to emigrate to the U.S., have him move to Japan by himself.

• Youは
• 2023/08/15 (Tue) 13:06
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You're breaking up a couple.